i just had finished “talking” to clarice through ym… it’s really funny how time passes by so quickly when you are having fun and not minding the time… i’ve even done quite a lot of work to… even though i’ve been ym’ing the whole time… ahaahaha.. and now, i’m writing in my blog… uh huh… what a slacker… i really should be fired…. (guilty!)

we were just talking about everything and nothing at all… our friends, my plans, her plans, job hunting and then, she told me about what’s happening to nelly… the love of her life is now back again in her life…

i had a hard time, trying to stop myself from laughing out loud when she told me this… i just tried to smile (my co-workers must think and wonder why i had this goofy looking smile)… honestly though, i have mixed feelings about this new development, for one thing, i’m really happy for her and for another, i’m also quite worried and kind of holding back… nelly and i can really relate to each other because of the times that we would really talk our hearts out to each other… she would be the only person i’d tell about heart matters and i think that our bond and undertstanding for each other really grew strong because of the times we’ve spent crying together…

uhum… i do not really want to dwell in the past because that would only open up my barely-healed-still-hurting wounds… but for her, uhum being back in her life (he texted her and said that he missed her and even said i love you!… imagine that) would, i think really make her happy… she says that she would not fall into the trap anymore but i think that knowing her, she would never win against her heart… she would really have a hard time fighting her emotions… which brings us to uhum’s side… why did it take that long for him to realize nelly’s worth? i guess you could say that he had the nerve to come crawling back to nelly… how dare he, after all the hurt he’s given her… i guess, uhum is kind of self-assured because he knows what nelly feels about him, and maybe, he’s kind of taking advantage of that fact…

but i really think that it would be good for the two of them… second chances are really blessings and i think that we should not let them slip away… if you ask me… my philosophy towards this whole thingy is that “its better to love and be hurt, than not to experience love at all”…

of course, one should never take my word or advices seriously, especially if it’s about love… i for one, do not have any experience in the matter and therefore, my opinion and views would only be based on my “imagined” knowledge…

oh well….

 May 27, 2006 – 3:02 am

Another unexpected development and it got me thinking and wondering for awhile (thinking again!) i've actually been considering coming back to manila lately, because i'm starting to get bored here' but i told myself, to be patient and just let things go it's own course and not push anything i've really decided to let master fate have its own way' so i'm not doing anything and ive decided to be patient and wait

but lady fate has got it going again, teasing me and making fun of me

i feel like i'm a very hungry fish and then suddenly, i see a very fat worm wiggling off a hook it's very tasty and i’m very hungry… and i’m faced with a decision, should i eat the worm and risk being caught or should i just go away and find some lousy plankton to eat?

uhmm… i’ve always been an adventurous person and i like being challenged, but at most times, my love for adventure and my being impulsive and fatalistic gets the better of me and i end up in very compromising situations…

i’ve always said that my going to cavite was a decision i made very impulsively, it was a decision i made based on very wrong reasons… i had an underlying agenda there, and as such i sufferred the consequences… it took an anxiety attack and a very bad case of asthma attack to make me realize that i made the wrong decision, so i went home… but then again that was in the past and i’m learning not to dwell on the past… so let’s forget about that for awhile…

uhhm, back to the present, so the oathtaking for new new ECE’s would be on May 2 (that’s a tuesday)… and francis (amistoso) was asking me what the dress code is… and then he asks me, if i already have a job and when i said no, he asked me if i wanted to go with him to manila to look for a job there… at first i thought he meant, if i’d go to manila but then he asked me if i’d go with him on friday… friday?! i knew i’d say no, but it made me think and consider it anyway…

but then my reason got the better of me, i really don’t want to make the same mistake again, going there without giving it much thought and more importantly, going there for the wrong reasons would only make matters worst, besides, if i’d go with him, where am i supposed to stay? i couldn’t very well go with him in his tita’s house…  he says he’d look for an apartment but when i asked him if his other classmates would go with him, he says they’re all going to look for work in cebu…

i don’t think that i could go away again and have another adventure, besides, i dont feel really comfortable of arrangements if ever i’d go…

so, i decided that i have to be patient and just let things go its own natural way…